wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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