After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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