i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
