It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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