I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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