Don't you send me to vm
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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