worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
