i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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