if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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