I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
