my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
not ubering you a puppy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
