The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
