Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
