he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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