my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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