I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
