We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
