They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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