I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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