his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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