hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
