its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
