just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize