I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
