I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
