i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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