No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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