lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
