Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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