Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
