What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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