I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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