Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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