We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
