i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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