I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize