That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
