Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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