i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You did what with his pubic hair?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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