i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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