you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize