It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
