: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize