Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
