That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
