I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Life is so much better after having sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
