i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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