did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
