I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
