i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You can't just leave with hair like that
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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