When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
