some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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