I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
