So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
