she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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