My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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