I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
