Buhtt sex?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize