wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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