he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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