you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
