I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
