If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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