oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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