You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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