he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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