Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
