ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
please don't ironically join a cult
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