I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
