So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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