I got chris browned last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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